3 Practical Tips from a Trauma Informed Wellness Clinic for More Peaceful Evenings

The After-School Pressure Cooker - From Pick Up to Bedtime
 
It’s been a long busy day while the kids are at school. You’re excited to see them and hear all about their day. Then it happens...oftentimes before you even get in the front door. The meltdowns, the backtalk, the defiance, clinginess, withdrawal, you name it. After desperately craving a nice peaceful evening together, you think to yourself… "here we go again”. 
 
Believe me, I get it, I’ve been there too.
 
Read below for 3 practical ways to make evenings more enjoyable together as a family from Michelle Gracey, parent coach at our trauma informed wellness clinic.

​1.  Expand Your Capacity Threshold - Regulate Yourself First:
​Children FEEL our energy. They borrow our nervous system to calm theirs. This is called co-regulation. As parents, our energy sets the emotional tone of the home. Regulation is contagious. So often as parents we do all the things to take care of our littles and often forget to take care of ourselves. But here’s the hard truth, taking care of you IS taking care of them. And as a trauma informed wellness clinic, we're well versed on the positive impact of taking care of you!
 
Create Mental Space: Take 5-10 minutes before you wrap up your day to do a quick Brain-dump. Get everything out of your head and onto paper.  Perhaps even a nourishing snack, a drink of water and a quiet moment to reset before you head out for pick up. Even 3-4 deep belly breaths on the car ride there can make a world of a difference. 

​2.            Create an After-School RESET Ritual:
​Create a simple 15-30 minute calming routine for the family: 
It's so easy to fall into routines that no longer serve us. Take some time to envision “What would the perfect evening feel and look like?” “How do you want to see yourself responding in those hard moments?”
 
Perhaps it’s creating a peaceful evening ritual you love, that signals to your brain “It’s time to tap into the relaxed, playful part of you.” 
 
Maybe it’s turning on the music, lighting a candle for a family snack and quiet break from stimulation, a little snuggle on the couch together. Or maybe it’s setting the kids up with an activity, audiobook or colouring while you cook dinner and decompress. Or maybe its inviting them to join in, laughing and being silly while you cook a nice nourishing meal together. 
 
Helpful tips to keep in mind:

• Minimize screentime if possible as this can postpone and amplify the meltdown later.
• Minimal to no questions, directions or expectations for the first 15-20 mins: Perhaps a simple “I missed you today!”or “what was the cherry, what was the pit?” Keep it simple. Just space to connect and decompress. 
• The goal of the RESET Ritual is to release the stress hormones they have pumping through their brain and bodies from feeling over-stimulated and over-controlled all day. (Think of this as releasing the steam from the pressure cooker)

Michelle Gracey, parent coach at our wellness clinic

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​3.         Empty the Emotional BackPack:
​The Emotional Backpack: Think of this as your child carrying an “emotional backpack” throughout the school day. Every stressor, a tough math test, a conflict with a friend, a reminder to sit still, the effort of paying attention, goes into that backpack. Their thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) isn’t fully developed yet, so instead of processing those feelings in real time, they often just store them. 
 
By pickup time, the backpack is overflowing. Once they’re with you, their safe person, the brain signals that it’s finally safe to release everything they’ve been carrying all day. The tears, tantrums, or irritability you see are really just your child emptying the heavy load they’ve been carrying all day.
 
Emotional Regulation is a skill that takes time to learn and practice and best taught outside of the moment when their thinking brains are online.  Children especially younger than 6/7 years old have a really hard time controlling their emotions because the part of their brain that controls the impulse of emotions is still very underdeveloped. Older children, even us adults when deregulated, easily lose access to this skill. 
 
Hold space for them to decompress and release, let it all out… "Tell me all about it”. Then help teach skills and process it through movement and play. This can look like jumping jacks, belly breaths, blowing bubbles, water play, comfort items, bear stomps, dragon breaths, Progression Muscle Relaxation (squeezing all their muscles together for 10 seconds), wall pushes, finger pulls. 
 
The fastest way to move a child into cooperation is through connection, co-regulation and play while teaching/modelling skills along the way 

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As parents, we get the gift of creating new family rituals and traditions we want to pass down. We get to set the emotional thermostat of the home, an internal temperature they will often revisit for years to follow. We get to shape their internal beliefs, self-worth and foundational imprint. And if you'd like a little extra support, the team at our trauma informed wellness clinic would love to help. Book a Wellness Planning Consult to discuss your options today!​

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